Phil W. Bayles

Or: How I Learned I Would Die For Princess Donut

I recently had a birthday, and so did my twin brother. Quelle coinkydink. This one, however, was particularly special. Not because it was one of the big numbers that ends in a zero or a five, but because — for the first time in our three decades and change — we managed to buy each other the same present:

I’d spotted Dungeon Crawler Carl in my local bookshop and immediately thought of my brother, who is (and I say this with love) a gigantic nerd. I’m not going to think too much about what that says about me. But I just finished reading the book! And it’s pretty good!

The basic plot is one part Douglas Adams and one part Yahtzee Croshaw. The eponymous Carl finds himself forced to participate in Dungeon Crawler World, a reality TV show organised by a shady alien corporation. Carl has to work together with his ex-girlfriend’s cat, the fabulously named Princess Donut (who’s been given the ability to speak) and navigate deadly traps, bloodthirsty monsters and the cut-throat world of corporate sponsorship.

If I had a complaint about the book, I’d say it suffers from the same problem that plagued Ready Player One: namely that it has to spend a lot of words describing things that would be much easier to show the audience in a visual medium. What makes it work here is that the writing is extremely funny: there’s a cracking bit of dialogue or some fun world-building on basically every page, and the whole thing bounces along at a fair old clip.

I was also pleasantly surprised to learn that there are currently eight books in the series, with two more on the way: Matt Dinniman started self-publishing them in 2020 before getting picked up a couple of years ago. Hopefully now that the rules and the stakes are explained, the sequels can make more room for the really fun stuff.

Hello! Thanks for sticking to the end. I’m trying something new here, inspired by Emily in France and some other writers who give regular updates on the art they’re engaging with. I was a film critic in a past life, so it’s nice to get back into that groove.

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